Nationwide Building Society Complaint

Dear Graham, the Chief Executive of the Nationwide Buildings Society.

I complained to your staff on the 13th. I was told I’d receive a call back that morning.

I’ve phoned, emailed, and sent messages on your online banking.

Take a wild guess if I received anything back whatsoever?

Need a hint? It’s the same response I’d give if you’d asked if I’ll be banking with you in a month.

Since your staff are so inept that they can’t manage to call me back – and you’re too cheap to let your management have phone lines (I’m presuming they don’t have opposable thumbs and cannot answer telephones), I’m forwarding my complaint onto you.

If you are too busy playing golf, or perhaps your overpaid secretary/mistress is busy spending your £1780/day salary (don’t worry, I won’t tell Marie… your wife? remember?), I’ll look forward to discussing this with the FSA.



  1. According to Nationwide:

    – Nationwide are related to Doctor Who. They called me on the 18th of March to discuss it. This was three weeks before I put in my Mortgage application.

    – A Certificate called a “Lending Decision and Lending Certificate” does not mean they have made a decision, nor is it a guarantee. In fact, its only based on your earnings. Although, my Mortgage was cancelled because of insufficient earnings. I’m not sure of the purpose of said certificate. I think it’s just like a GCSE; it’s just a useless piece of paper.

    – Just because they’ve let you pay a deposit for having the mortgage doesn’t mean they’ve offered you a mortgage (even with a lending certificate). Nor does it mean that your mortgage wasn’t cancelled a week before. They only give mortgages to Psychics.

    – When it says “Submitted for Processing”, that means they may or may not have looked at it. It might mean it’s cancelled. You’re meant to figure this out.

    – The only way you’ll know your mortgage has not gone though is if they call you. They’re like ninjas – they don’t leave voicemail. Nor do they have a number you can call back. And they withhold their number, so you’lll never know they called. And they have Samurai swords.

    – Customer services are kept in cages. They will call you back, but only when they’re allowed out. They’ll ask you security questions after calling you, but they could be anyone, really. You’re meant to just give out all your personal details to them. They’re not allowed to actually look at any of the stuff you’ve entered online, any of your paperwork, speak to anyone else you’ve spoken to.

    – Customer services have never been on their own website. They don’t use computers. The forms don’t actually go anywhere; you’re meant remember everything you’ve ever written down, phone them up and tell them.

    – Just because you’ve got a lending certificate, have paid the deposit and have all the paperwork means nothing. You’re not meant to put a deposit down on your house! No! Not until they’ve called you back, given you five sets of certificates, had it signed by the Pope and at least two priests. You’re actually meant to wait until the house you want is SOLD before you apply for a mortgage.

    Hope that clears that up for everyone. They’ll call me back tomorrow.

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