is beginning to enjoy work! Shame about the rest of my life really. It’ll improve. Can’t get much worse.

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sorry dudes, not very well at all today. won’t be making any jokes. sorry to disappoint.

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No joke, I’ve just realised when I thought I’ve been putting my fog lights on the last few days, I’ve really been heating my windscreen…

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I got up this morning and discovered that somebody had written “QWERTY” down the side of my car. I think it’s been keyed.

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I love newspapers. Jade Goody the hero (former racist); Michael Jackson the genius (former kiddie fiddler) I bet Peter Sutcliffe can’t wait

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I found it incredibly easy to break into Mr Kipling’s factory and steal some stock last night. It was a piece of cake.

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Just heard on the news that universality is great for other things too. Seriously! WTH!

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I got struck by lightning twice yesterday… all I said was that Gladiators was rubbish.

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Went to a record shop, asked if they had anything by The Doors. They said they had a fire exit?

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Do you know more spoonerisms than you have spoons in your house?

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